Military Wife: Seperated by Love for All

I am a proud military wife. I have been married to Naval Officer Daniel Ewing for a little over a year. We decided to get married young because of his duty. We spent months discussing the decision but we were ultimately bonded by commitment and love. Many of our college peers think we are crazy and we even had parents refuse our marriage. Grandparents did not show up at the wedding because they did not support the move. Luckily, tensions have lowered once people saw we were serious and are working hard at making it work. 

Even though I love my sailor to death, there are times that are not easy. I get angry because I have to share my husband for a greater good. It is one thing I want to be selfish about but at the same time, he longs to have me when he is home while I am stuck to a career that could care less about bonding time. After our first deployment, I have composed some lessons that I think every military service family should try to abide by. It helped us get through the rough time.

1. I never realized how expensive communicating with my husband would be while he was gone. Phone bills are ridiculously expensive when you can talk forever at an expensive, pocket draining rate. While a phone call is nice every once in awhile, make sure Skype is always your first option.

2. Compromise. Unfortunately, I get the short end of the stick with the government controlling where my family moves. Where they want us, we follow. But life in the military is about compromise. Make sure the spouse gets to accomplish what they want to do. Wherever you move, make sure they are happy and doing what they love. Because if the spouse has something to keep them busy while you are away that they love, the pain of separation does not feel that bad.

3. Expenses will increase. The government loves to try to pay you extra money to make up for the distance. But that money is going to be used. It never fails. Something goes wrong while your significant other is away. A car breaks, a washer leaks, the house needs a new roof... Or the treats that the loved one sends to their soldier. They are extra expenses. To complicate matters, if you have kids with a one parent household, you will probably be paying extra for that babysitter to help out. Save before and save as much as you can. And any major appliances, buy that warranty because if you can have a simple phone call to fix it, life will seem so much easier.

4. Infidelity. I worry about this so much, even though I know that it will not likely happen. The reason why it will not likely happen is because my husband and I set some guidelines before he left. No hanging out with members of the opposite sex alone (even if it is a good friend). Hang out with people within your demographic. Hanging out with people of the opposite sex is asking for problems. When you are deprived of a loved one, you will be surprised what your mind can think. We love hanging out with married friends that we know are also married and are likely not to cheat. Discuss also what happens to the relationship if infidelity does happen. Does it mean that the relationship is over? Or is it something to talk through? Setting guidelines always helps you think through things. And yes it is weird talking about infidelity with a happy marriage but always prepare for the worst.

5. Always prepare for the worst. Do not be pessimistic but know the answers to difficult questions. Do you know what to do if something bad happens? You become ill or even worse, one of you dies? If you know these answers, you can fulfill your spouses wants in life and know how to handle difficult times. Know the likelihood of death is slim so you have no reason to worry but slim chances happen to everyone.

6. Friends are important. A much needed a hug, a glimpse of laughter, an invite to the movies... All a distraction from the raging battle in your mind and heart. Military friends are especially important as they can feel the emotions with you.

These are a few things I feel are important to know. It is not easy. And there are tons more steps to take but these are the few things I learned that may offer a peace of mind. I want to help people in similar positions like me as I love helping people out.

Here are some great resources for help also:
- www.usaa.com (Military bank who understands the military. They offer free support, counseling,
         discounts, and banking services.)
- I recommend this Book. It is made for new military people and not necessarily people who have
          gone through deployments before.