I have had several friends approach me about financial success in marriage. It's not easy and not always a treat tag teaming expenses. You lose the financial freedom you have as a single person.
Here are some quick tips I keep telling people.
1. You can choose to keep your finances separate or together. Some married people split up bills, accounts, and more. We choose to keep ours together because we have relative low risk. Does one person own a business? I would recommend separate finances in that case because if the business takes a downward slope, you are not responsible for the bankruptcy. There are a lot of things to keep in mind but you have to communicate as a couple.
2. Save, save, save. Retirement should be your biggest investment. Don't regret it later. 10% of our income goes to saving for retirement. Period. You should also have a nice lump sum in a savings account to keep your head above water in troubled times. You may not think you will be jobless but the economy changes and circumstances out of your control tell you otherwise. We also have multiple savings accounts - one that is a high interest yielding one with strict withdrawal and others that are for more immediate needs. The long term ones are for purchases like a house, cars, etc. Others include a few investment opportunities to double our money for travel or even continuing our education.
3. Get a credit card. I am not saying build up debt each month. Credit cards are not for that purpose - well they are but not if you want to benefit from them. I have had a credit card for 5 years. I have not paid a dime of interest. But I use it on every purchase I make. I just pay my bill before the end of the billing cycle so they cannot charge me interest. And I have a rewards card. I have earned free money and trips for no extra cost to me. The biggest benefit - I have a great credit score at my age. Some utility companies require a deposit to even hook up your water. I do not have to pay that because my credit history shows zero financial risk with a decent history.
4. Pay off debt. I graduated college only 6 months ago. I took out $20,000 to go to school. I only owe $3,000 now and don't have to make a payment until 2016 if I do not want to. But I don't want the interest to cost me and every dime not used on something else each month goes towards paying off student loan debt. Soon, I will have saved about $1,000 on interest and will have more financial freedom each month because I have zero liability.
5. Budget. We created a Google Docs with our expenses, dreams, and wants. Each month, each party gets a set amount of money to spend how they choose. If we want to save a couple months money for a larger purchase or trip, we can do that. That allows us to have some financial freedom from each other.
6. Each person should contribute. One person should not be freeloading in the marriage. That leaves room for argument. Kids are a different story as they are a full time job - but you cannot take in a marriage without giving. This rule applies to money.
7. Always communicate wants. Money takes communication. Don't go shopping without first letting your partner know you are spending money shopping. It will not only save you a couple fights but makes sure you have the same goals.
8. Look for deals. I am a cheap wad and so is my husband. That doesn't mean we have to shop for cheaply made items. But we look for quality at the best prices. We don't buy something we see on the rack for one price unless we know we cannot get it cheaper somewhere else. It makes sense but people often want instant satisfaction instead of looking at what a little research can save you.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Searching for a House
Nothing is better than knowing you are financially safe and sound. Moving out of state for college really helped me gain my financial freedom. Yes, I started out on the Ramen Noodle every night budget with some peanut butter jelly sandwiches thrown in but I eventually learned the basics of financial management and success. Living in an apartment with friends and then eventually my fiancé (we moved in together because our leases had both expired at the same time and wanted to sign a new contract together) helped as we split costs but there is nothing that makes you appreciate financial freedom more than being at rock bottom.
Now, after renting a few years, we are looking at buying our first house. Sure we are not quite there yet but we are closer than ever. We want to wait until our current lease expires and until we pay off student loans. But sometime within 2014, we will most likely set our roots down for a bit and build the first ever true Ewing household.
Renting gets expensive. It is not a waste of resources but if you are living in a place for awhile and plan to settle there for at least 5 years, it is time to buy. You waste so many monthly loan payments by renting. Buying does come with more responsibility - you have to have pay property taxes, repairs, and it is officially yours financially.
But the searching is fun. I am looking for a big southern home. Daniel and I want kids. Not right away but in 5 years or so, we are thinking about family. I want a porch, a swing, and some land to grow. The shopping is fun and so is are realtor who somehow manages to put together tempting packages. We have always thought that we could buy a starter house and then upgrade once family comes, but we know how much moving can cost. I have moved to different states twice and have moved from apartment to apartment and each time you move can cost you up to $2,000 as you put in moving trucks and rental deposits. That is a lot of money we have dedicated to it. And we have the loan and financial resources now to build what we want first, so why go through this hassle twice?
We are looking to get our money back out of this property eventually. Daniel and I are restless. We love to move and travel and have discussed the prospects of Germany a little later in our careers. But we are in the perfect area for return. Raleigh is supposed to double in size in the next 5 years and that makes land cheap now but the demand for it later high. Talking with financial advisors, we have a great chance of actually making money in this step, especially if we buy a home that many modern families desire (4 bedrooms, large living areas, etc.).
I am so excited and welcome your thoughts on this new adventure. So what is your advice for this first time to be homeowner?
Now, after renting a few years, we are looking at buying our first house. Sure we are not quite there yet but we are closer than ever. We want to wait until our current lease expires and until we pay off student loans. But sometime within 2014, we will most likely set our roots down for a bit and build the first ever true Ewing household.
Renting gets expensive. It is not a waste of resources but if you are living in a place for awhile and plan to settle there for at least 5 years, it is time to buy. You waste so many monthly loan payments by renting. Buying does come with more responsibility - you have to have pay property taxes, repairs, and it is officially yours financially.
But the searching is fun. I am looking for a big southern home. Daniel and I want kids. Not right away but in 5 years or so, we are thinking about family. I want a porch, a swing, and some land to grow. The shopping is fun and so is are realtor who somehow manages to put together tempting packages. We have always thought that we could buy a starter house and then upgrade once family comes, but we know how much moving can cost. I have moved to different states twice and have moved from apartment to apartment and each time you move can cost you up to $2,000 as you put in moving trucks and rental deposits. That is a lot of money we have dedicated to it. And we have the loan and financial resources now to build what we want first, so why go through this hassle twice?
We are looking to get our money back out of this property eventually. Daniel and I are restless. We love to move and travel and have discussed the prospects of Germany a little later in our careers. But we are in the perfect area for return. Raleigh is supposed to double in size in the next 5 years and that makes land cheap now but the demand for it later high. Talking with financial advisors, we have a great chance of actually making money in this step, especially if we buy a home that many modern families desire (4 bedrooms, large living areas, etc.).
I am so excited and welcome your thoughts on this new adventure. So what is your advice for this first time to be homeowner?
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Routers and Subnetting
Today, I learned about router tables and subnets. Both were easier concepts to me, especially since I could relate them to my life.
Routing tables are information routers hold to deliver data with the most efficient path possible. Obviously, a router has to know how and where to forward data and so routing tables comprise that information. There is an exception to data forwarding if you are in the same subnetwork as you can just forward data directly to the computer without bothering the router.
Routers learn routes from neighboring routers. They are also responsible for keeping the list up-to-date in case a path becomes blocked or terminates. If there is more than one route available, the router chooses the most efficient path.
Routing is a lot like networking with people. You learn things from people you associate with. You also try to keep up-to-date with these people and sometimes, unfortunately, a relationship is terminated like a route. You also want to be efficient so you choose the best route possible.
Subnets allow you to take a class A,B, or C network (all determined by size) and divide it into smaller networks. Class C is reserved for larger networks due to the availability of hosts per network. Class A is reserved for smaller ones since they have less possibilities for hosts per network. But, for example, subnetting allows you to take a large class C network and divide it into smaller subnetworks separated by routers. This allows less IP addresses to go to waste. In an IP address, you can always tell what the subnetwork is by looking at the third octet. 200.200.1 is within the same Class C network as 200.200.2 but the subnet is different, meaning it is on a different router within the network.
I cannot wait to learn more about Layer 3! It is by far the coolest layer I have read about.
Routing tables are information routers hold to deliver data with the most efficient path possible. Obviously, a router has to know how and where to forward data and so routing tables comprise that information. There is an exception to data forwarding if you are in the same subnetwork as you can just forward data directly to the computer without bothering the router.
Routers learn routes from neighboring routers. They are also responsible for keeping the list up-to-date in case a path becomes blocked or terminates. If there is more than one route available, the router chooses the most efficient path.
Routing is a lot like networking with people. You learn things from people you associate with. You also try to keep up-to-date with these people and sometimes, unfortunately, a relationship is terminated like a route. You also want to be efficient so you choose the best route possible.
Subnets allow you to take a class A,B, or C network (all determined by size) and divide it into smaller networks. Class C is reserved for larger networks due to the availability of hosts per network. Class A is reserved for smaller ones since they have less possibilities for hosts per network. But, for example, subnetting allows you to take a large class C network and divide it into smaller subnetworks separated by routers. This allows less IP addresses to go to waste. In an IP address, you can always tell what the subnetwork is by looking at the third octet. 200.200.1 is within the same Class C network as 200.200.2 but the subnet is different, meaning it is on a different router within the network.
I cannot wait to learn more about Layer 3! It is by far the coolest layer I have read about.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Searching for a Job: The Number One Mistake
I really want a job. I have been sending application after application out of the door and trying to network with anyone in the area.
But as I submit Resume after cover letter after project example, I realized that I forgot one main thing. One thing that I think the company cares about above all else. And that one thing is... Why I think I would be a good fit for their company.
My cover letter was basically my Resume in a long winded form. Someone could easily pick up my cover letter and Resume and get the same information out of the two. As I revised it this morning, I added a few things that I think will make the company understand what I can do for them. Ultimately, I need to revise it for different applications as each position and company is searching for different goals. However, there are a few general things to point out to each company that a general format is okay until I research more about the company and the position offered.
People could care less about what you did than what you learned and gained from the role. Don't pull this and expect to get hired without some sort of reflection: "During my position at KOMU, I reported and anchored for the newscasts." That should just be your intro to: "My reporting allowed me to interact with different members of the community. My ability to communicate with different groups of the population will help your company reach out to different markets."
This is an example of what I first did in my cover letter and recently added. I also talked about my pursuit of lifelong learning, as that is the number one thing I loved about reporting. Each day I came home knowing more about one topic because I did a story on it. I had to work fast and accurately but I know more statistics and information because of it. And I love the pursuit of learning and teaching.
As you look for jobs, make sure you really think what you can offer because companies are looking for an individual, not for someone who can blend in the crowd. And customize the delivery of your cover letter and Resume by doing a little research on the company (find out the company goals, motto, or purpose) and sell yourself to them and their purpose, not just yours.
But as I submit Resume after cover letter after project example, I realized that I forgot one main thing. One thing that I think the company cares about above all else. And that one thing is... Why I think I would be a good fit for their company.
My cover letter was basically my Resume in a long winded form. Someone could easily pick up my cover letter and Resume and get the same information out of the two. As I revised it this morning, I added a few things that I think will make the company understand what I can do for them. Ultimately, I need to revise it for different applications as each position and company is searching for different goals. However, there are a few general things to point out to each company that a general format is okay until I research more about the company and the position offered.
People could care less about what you did than what you learned and gained from the role. Don't pull this and expect to get hired without some sort of reflection: "During my position at KOMU, I reported and anchored for the newscasts." That should just be your intro to: "My reporting allowed me to interact with different members of the community. My ability to communicate with different groups of the population will help your company reach out to different markets."
This is an example of what I first did in my cover letter and recently added. I also talked about my pursuit of lifelong learning, as that is the number one thing I loved about reporting. Each day I came home knowing more about one topic because I did a story on it. I had to work fast and accurately but I know more statistics and information because of it. And I love the pursuit of learning and teaching.
As you look for jobs, make sure you really think what you can offer because companies are looking for an individual, not for someone who can blend in the crowd. And customize the delivery of your cover letter and Resume by doing a little research on the company (find out the company goals, motto, or purpose) and sell yourself to them and their purpose, not just yours.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Vehicle Purchases: Is it all worth it?
Vehicles come in many shapes, sizes, forms, and colors. We can customize them down to the very last detail, making them one-of-a-kind.
I recently bought a truck with my husband after our older vehicle started to show signs of major aging. The repair costs were adding up. It was a family vehicle however and still was drivable so our loving grandma told us to try to keep it in the family. We sold it to my husband's parents, who both had vehicles a lot older and a lot more problematic than the one we sold them.
After, we felt a sense of nostalgia for selling something that gave us so many memories and had gotten us to so many places. But we still headed to the Chevy dealership with a hefty list of package options in mind. We wanted another truck but this time, it was going to be newer, better, and something that we could be proud to roll down the street in.
We did a great job negotiating a price. The dealership only made $600, which is incredible. We were brand new owners of a Chevy 1500 Silverado LTZ with leather heated seats, 4 doors, sun roof, back window, upgraded sound system, and more. We fought over the steering wheel for a few months until we realized how expensive that beast really was to drive.
The gas guzzling beast made us realize a few things. Is getting a car with the latest package deal really worth it?
We paid so much extra for options that it is ridiculous. And they didn't really make an impact on the driving ability. That wood trim, add a thousand. Leather heated seats, add another thousand. I realized I just flushed money down the toilet. Our truck lost its value the day we drove it off the lot and I did not need those feature comforts even if my wallet book could afford it.
I don't drive the thing that often when I have two motorcycles and a car. The other options are so much cheaper to drive. And so the the truck often sits, losing value. I could have spent the truck money on improving my house, which would have gained equity instead of just losing it after I bought it. And did we really need a truck if it sat unused? Not really but again, it was handy when we did use it.
Do I regret purchasing the truck? No. But I may think about this the next time I buy a vehicle because the status appeal definitely is not worth burning a hole in my wallet. The wood trim is not worth the extra hundred dollars in yearly property tax either.
I recently bought a truck with my husband after our older vehicle started to show signs of major aging. The repair costs were adding up. It was a family vehicle however and still was drivable so our loving grandma told us to try to keep it in the family. We sold it to my husband's parents, who both had vehicles a lot older and a lot more problematic than the one we sold them.
After, we felt a sense of nostalgia for selling something that gave us so many memories and had gotten us to so many places. But we still headed to the Chevy dealership with a hefty list of package options in mind. We wanted another truck but this time, it was going to be newer, better, and something that we could be proud to roll down the street in.
We did a great job negotiating a price. The dealership only made $600, which is incredible. We were brand new owners of a Chevy 1500 Silverado LTZ with leather heated seats, 4 doors, sun roof, back window, upgraded sound system, and more. We fought over the steering wheel for a few months until we realized how expensive that beast really was to drive.
The gas guzzling beast made us realize a few things. Is getting a car with the latest package deal really worth it?
We paid so much extra for options that it is ridiculous. And they didn't really make an impact on the driving ability. That wood trim, add a thousand. Leather heated seats, add another thousand. I realized I just flushed money down the toilet. Our truck lost its value the day we drove it off the lot and I did not need those feature comforts even if my wallet book could afford it.
I don't drive the thing that often when I have two motorcycles and a car. The other options are so much cheaper to drive. And so the the truck often sits, losing value. I could have spent the truck money on improving my house, which would have gained equity instead of just losing it after I bought it. And did we really need a truck if it sat unused? Not really but again, it was handy when we did use it.
Do I regret purchasing the truck? No. But I may think about this the next time I buy a vehicle because the status appeal definitely is not worth burning a hole in my wallet. The wood trim is not worth the extra hundred dollars in yearly property tax either.
Monday, March 18, 2013
LAN Cisco Certification
I am still learning to be a geek. Alright being a geek is not bad and I am discovering that I like it and really enjoy learning the basics of how networking technology really works. I love the extreme detail and the complex problem solving.
Right now, I am still on my CCENT. For those who do not know, CCENT stands for Cisco Certified Entry Network Technician. It is not as huge of a deal as getting your CCNA or even CCIE. The CCENT is half of the CCNA and is designed for people like me who know nothing about how a network works but use it everyday. Depending on how that goes, I hope to work towards my CCNA but it is one step at a time.
I read a bit of Chapter 3: Intro to LANs which was the easiest chapter for me to read. I learned about RJ 45 connectors (Who really knew what those colorful pins and its shell were on the end of the ethernet cable you use to connect to the Internet?). I also learned the basics of crossover cables. Basically, you send and receive on different pins. Depending what devices you use, you may need to cross over cables to avoid collisions. This happens when you want to connect two switches together. I also learned the basics of framing and its role.
I could go on and on about my learning. Who knew technology could be so fun? I almost wish I went to school for this...
Right now, I am still on my CCENT. For those who do not know, CCENT stands for Cisco Certified Entry Network Technician. It is not as huge of a deal as getting your CCNA or even CCIE. The CCENT is half of the CCNA and is designed for people like me who know nothing about how a network works but use it everyday. Depending on how that goes, I hope to work towards my CCNA but it is one step at a time.
I read a bit of Chapter 3: Intro to LANs which was the easiest chapter for me to read. I learned about RJ 45 connectors (Who really knew what those colorful pins and its shell were on the end of the ethernet cable you use to connect to the Internet?). I also learned the basics of crossover cables. Basically, you send and receive on different pins. Depending what devices you use, you may need to cross over cables to avoid collisions. This happens when you want to connect two switches together. I also learned the basics of framing and its role.
I could go on and on about my learning. Who knew technology could be so fun? I almost wish I went to school for this...
Friday, February 22, 2013
Learning about Networking
I recently moved to Raleigh, NC after my husband got a job out here. As I get older, I seem further east from my roots in Colorado, but I love the travel and experience to meet people in all areas of the country. Not to mention, I have seen so many great things that I am truly grateful for the opportunity to spread my wings and grow because each area I have left my mark in, I also learn new things.
As I settle into the area, I am trying to find a job. I really want a job in PR or communication. I have been applying around the area to anything and everything I think I would love.
But I also started a new daunting project. I want to get a Cisco certification in networking because I think it would help further my job prospects. I am also a person who loves to learn and have attention to great deal so I think it would be something I am good at and may like. It also gives me an interesting project to work because a lot of job searching is about waiting.
I am trying to go for CCENT. It is an intro certification for people who know nothing about the area of networking. But even if I stick with PR, this certification can give me a huge advantage. If I not only know how to use existing tools to network but how to create these networks, I can do a lot with outreach. Journalism is all about networking and knowing how to fix what you work with can be incredible.
The project is no easy task though. I am learning the basics of how a computer functions and it is even more complex than me. Symbols and computer language can get quite confusing but it is an amazing little world what a few wires and networking cards can do. So far, I have learned about File Transfer Protocol (FTP), severs, and a few networking systems, TCP/IP (Transmission Control Protocol / Internet Protocol) and ISO (International Standard of Organization). While I will not bore you with the details of how they work (and it would take me awhile to condense 35 pages of solid learning out of my Cisco CCENT book), I am really excited as I put these words into life and open up my computer to try things for myself.
Even though I am on chapter 2 of 18, I would whole heartily recommend anybody interested in journalism to really learn the basics of networking because it puts it into a whole new light. It's amazing how fast technology can work and how the Internet work. Heck this blog post is being hosted over a server - and with the command protocol of HTTP, you can see it.
Once I get my CCENT, I may push forward toward CCNA. Luckily, I have a technology nerd husband who can help me along the way!
As I settle into the area, I am trying to find a job. I really want a job in PR or communication. I have been applying around the area to anything and everything I think I would love.
But I also started a new daunting project. I want to get a Cisco certification in networking because I think it would help further my job prospects. I am also a person who loves to learn and have attention to great deal so I think it would be something I am good at and may like. It also gives me an interesting project to work because a lot of job searching is about waiting.
I am trying to go for CCENT. It is an intro certification for people who know nothing about the area of networking. But even if I stick with PR, this certification can give me a huge advantage. If I not only know how to use existing tools to network but how to create these networks, I can do a lot with outreach. Journalism is all about networking and knowing how to fix what you work with can be incredible.
The project is no easy task though. I am learning the basics of how a computer functions and it is even more complex than me. Symbols and computer language can get quite confusing but it is an amazing little world what a few wires and networking cards can do. So far, I have learned about File Transfer Protocol (FTP), severs, and a few networking systems, TCP/IP (Transmission Control Protocol / Internet Protocol) and ISO (International Standard of Organization). While I will not bore you with the details of how they work (and it would take me awhile to condense 35 pages of solid learning out of my Cisco CCENT book), I am really excited as I put these words into life and open up my computer to try things for myself.
Even though I am on chapter 2 of 18, I would whole heartily recommend anybody interested in journalism to really learn the basics of networking because it puts it into a whole new light. It's amazing how fast technology can work and how the Internet work. Heck this blog post is being hosted over a server - and with the command protocol of HTTP, you can see it.
Once I get my CCENT, I may push forward toward CCNA. Luckily, I have a technology nerd husband who can help me along the way!
Marriage So Young
Last night, I went to the bar without Daniel. We have done this countless times before, going out and meeting people without being attached to the hip. But what always gets me... The men think I am fair game and are always shocked to see the ring around my finger as a 21 year old. Those that know me thought I would wait to get married. Heck, I even shocked myself when Daniel and I were discussing the prospects of marriage as that was not what I planned so young. We knew each other for 2 years when we said "I Do". While that isn't long to some people's standards, I knew it felt right, even though I was a bit young and inexperienced with love. I wasn't even old enough to toast with a little bit of bubbly at my own wedding...
But despite the constant inquiries and moans of people around us, we went ahead with our plans because we felt it was right. We had counseling, mentoring, and even spent months discussing it before he proposed. We did not tell anybody about this counseling because we were still unsure but we had a counseling session that asked us why we wouldn't married and we could not find anything holding us back. Our love had grown to the point we could not imagine one without the other. And when Daniel did propose, people dropped the P word like a bomb. You are PREGNANT. No, we were not. Two years later, I am still waiting for that baby to pop out. And my in-laws thought this last year when I gained a bit of weight, that it was happening. But nope. We will let you know. It is our decision.
And just because we are married doesn't mean we have to have a baby or we sacrifice our goals and dreams. As a matter of fact, I feel as I can do whatever I want as I always have someone cheering me on, thinking I am the greatest person in the world, and who cherishes me. That doesn't mean I am not self-confident without Daniel. I make my own choices in our relationship but just have someone to discuss them with before I act upon them (he acts as filter more than anything). Daniel also makes his choices and talks to me about them. We are two confident people - you just have to communicate your wants and needs in a relationship more than you would outside of a relationship.
I compiled this list of things that people most often say to me and their responses I always give them. While it doesn't really bug me people inquire about our lives, I want to raise awareness to some of these ideas.
1. "You have your whole live for marriage. Why did you give up your chance to be single and do whatever you want?" --- Hold Up. Since when did I say that I wasn't living the life I dreamed when I got married? Yes, being single gives you freedom marriage cannot. You can see who you want to see and go out whenever you want. But if you know me, that isn't a huge issue. I am not big into the whole bar scene and was never really interested in the whole one night stand scene. And just because I am married doesn't mean that we don't go out and get so drunk we puke our guts out. It just means you often get double trouble. And I will take the immense amount of support Daniel gives me because he makes me way braver to do things. It's a lot easier to take a risk when someone is there to catch you when you fall. And a good relationship means that you have someone supporting your dreams and goals, not taking them away.
2. "You are married. So when did you have your first baby?" --- Yes, marriage comes with sex. No, that doesn't mean we have a kid. That leads to the next question. "When are you going to have one?" I am only 21. Once you have a baby, you have the kid for your whole life. While I know children are truly a blessing and gift from God and I do eventually want to make our parents officially old grandparents, I have my 20's to live up to and some dreams to cross off my list before a pooping monster becomes part of our lives.
3. "You can't find a job wherever you want. How come you took the risk to come here and follow?" --- I am not following. It wasn't like Daniel shoved me in a bag and said we are going to Raleigh, NC whether you like it or not. I consented to come here because I know I can find what I want to do out here and have a high likely hood to get that job. I am also not limited in my jobs. We had a deep discussion about who was going to take the lead in their career right now but that doesn't mean I couldn't have and won't. I can also choose to have a long distance relationship but know I will just be miserable. That would put us in so much strain. I know this because we were separated for two months and it just plain out sucked. I am confident that my dreams can become reality here just like Daniel's and I won't stop until they do. Someone will have to take a job lead first in a relationship if you don't want to live apart.
4. "I would regret marrying young. I don't know why you did it." --- You said it yourself. You would regret it but I love it so far. Marriage takes work and many people are not ready to give it that work. But we have gotten such a head start on things it's unbelievable. We motivate each other, have already started saving for life events together, always have someone to do incredible things with (I can travel with my best friend)... I am willing to do anything for Daniel because I love him.
5. "You cannot have any friends with marriage." --- No. I think because we got married younger, we get along with a slightly older demographic but it doesn't mean we don't have friends. Yes, each others friends eventually meet each other but it does not mean Daniel cannot go out with the guys and have a great night. I trust him and he trusts me. We also have a rule - while Daniel can be around other females outside of a professional setting, there must be one guy friend present. That is vice versa for me. There are exceptions if we know and trust a person of the opposite sex but we also know cheating starts with temptation and it is the other person we do not trust, not each other.
6. "You have no financial freedom." --- Yes. I cannot go out and buy something huge without the other person knowing about it. But if I want something, I can communicate it and budget for it. It may take longer to get a desired item but if I really want it, we find a way to get it. This in a way is a positive as it keeps us in line of purchases and our budget. And living together is cheaper than living single as you can split things, instead of buying things twice as individuals.
While marriage is not for everyone (especially young), keep in mind that just because a status quo says something about a lot of people, they are not about EVERYONE. I personally love that I get to spend my life longer with someone who makes me happier than anyone (tied with me as you should also love yourself in a relationship) and buys me boxes of chocolate. =) It's your decision. It's your life. Live it how you choose.
But despite the constant inquiries and moans of people around us, we went ahead with our plans because we felt it was right. We had counseling, mentoring, and even spent months discussing it before he proposed. We did not tell anybody about this counseling because we were still unsure but we had a counseling session that asked us why we wouldn't married and we could not find anything holding us back. Our love had grown to the point we could not imagine one without the other. And when Daniel did propose, people dropped the P word like a bomb. You are PREGNANT. No, we were not. Two years later, I am still waiting for that baby to pop out. And my in-laws thought this last year when I gained a bit of weight, that it was happening. But nope. We will let you know. It is our decision.
And just because we are married doesn't mean we have to have a baby or we sacrifice our goals and dreams. As a matter of fact, I feel as I can do whatever I want as I always have someone cheering me on, thinking I am the greatest person in the world, and who cherishes me. That doesn't mean I am not self-confident without Daniel. I make my own choices in our relationship but just have someone to discuss them with before I act upon them (he acts as filter more than anything). Daniel also makes his choices and talks to me about them. We are two confident people - you just have to communicate your wants and needs in a relationship more than you would outside of a relationship.
I compiled this list of things that people most often say to me and their responses I always give them. While it doesn't really bug me people inquire about our lives, I want to raise awareness to some of these ideas.
1. "You have your whole live for marriage. Why did you give up your chance to be single and do whatever you want?" --- Hold Up. Since when did I say that I wasn't living the life I dreamed when I got married? Yes, being single gives you freedom marriage cannot. You can see who you want to see and go out whenever you want. But if you know me, that isn't a huge issue. I am not big into the whole bar scene and was never really interested in the whole one night stand scene. And just because I am married doesn't mean that we don't go out and get so drunk we puke our guts out. It just means you often get double trouble. And I will take the immense amount of support Daniel gives me because he makes me way braver to do things. It's a lot easier to take a risk when someone is there to catch you when you fall. And a good relationship means that you have someone supporting your dreams and goals, not taking them away.
2. "You are married. So when did you have your first baby?" --- Yes, marriage comes with sex. No, that doesn't mean we have a kid. That leads to the next question. "When are you going to have one?" I am only 21. Once you have a baby, you have the kid for your whole life. While I know children are truly a blessing and gift from God and I do eventually want to make our parents officially old grandparents, I have my 20's to live up to and some dreams to cross off my list before a pooping monster becomes part of our lives.
3. "You can't find a job wherever you want. How come you took the risk to come here and follow?" --- I am not following. It wasn't like Daniel shoved me in a bag and said we are going to Raleigh, NC whether you like it or not. I consented to come here because I know I can find what I want to do out here and have a high likely hood to get that job. I am also not limited in my jobs. We had a deep discussion about who was going to take the lead in their career right now but that doesn't mean I couldn't have and won't. I can also choose to have a long distance relationship but know I will just be miserable. That would put us in so much strain. I know this because we were separated for two months and it just plain out sucked. I am confident that my dreams can become reality here just like Daniel's and I won't stop until they do. Someone will have to take a job lead first in a relationship if you don't want to live apart.
4. "I would regret marrying young. I don't know why you did it." --- You said it yourself. You would regret it but I love it so far. Marriage takes work and many people are not ready to give it that work. But we have gotten such a head start on things it's unbelievable. We motivate each other, have already started saving for life events together, always have someone to do incredible things with (I can travel with my best friend)... I am willing to do anything for Daniel because I love him.
5. "You cannot have any friends with marriage." --- No. I think because we got married younger, we get along with a slightly older demographic but it doesn't mean we don't have friends. Yes, each others friends eventually meet each other but it does not mean Daniel cannot go out with the guys and have a great night. I trust him and he trusts me. We also have a rule - while Daniel can be around other females outside of a professional setting, there must be one guy friend present. That is vice versa for me. There are exceptions if we know and trust a person of the opposite sex but we also know cheating starts with temptation and it is the other person we do not trust, not each other.
6. "You have no financial freedom." --- Yes. I cannot go out and buy something huge without the other person knowing about it. But if I want something, I can communicate it and budget for it. It may take longer to get a desired item but if I really want it, we find a way to get it. This in a way is a positive as it keeps us in line of purchases and our budget. And living together is cheaper than living single as you can split things, instead of buying things twice as individuals.
While marriage is not for everyone (especially young), keep in mind that just because a status quo says something about a lot of people, they are not about EVERYONE. I personally love that I get to spend my life longer with someone who makes me happier than anyone (tied with me as you should also love yourself in a relationship) and buys me boxes of chocolate. =) It's your decision. It's your life. Live it how you choose.
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