My husband recently left for navy training in Newport, Rhode Island while I finish up my degree this semester. Two years of marriage (well almost) and it is the first time we have ever been far apart. Let alone the distance, we are left to wonder what is possibly on the others mind because our communication is limited. The navy has limited phone calls for four weeks. No email, no letters, no social media. And let me tell ya'.... that's what really makes this whole thing suck. His training is all about seeing how much crap you can take before it begins to take a toll on you.
It has been hard week. The hardest part is always coming home from school. I walk in the door to a house we built with pictures and belongings that are ours. I am surrounded by them and I cannot help but to wonder and think about my husband. And I often weep because I just miss him. I got so used to coming home to someone asking about my day and wanting to make it better just because he wanted to, not because he had to. And so despite my day, I carry on by myself. I do it because I love him and want to make him proud but it is so hard to put a smile on your face when the one person who can suddenly make everything better disappears from any radar.
Not to mention, I feel like a child moving out on their own for the first time. Daniel took care of me. I am learning how to do that again. I have to take care of myself.Things such as meals or even making sure I am not overwhelmed have fallen on me. And that has been hard because I don't treat myself with near as much respect as my husband does.
I am also so sick of crying. I cry myself to sleep where I dream of him. And wake up to cry some more. My dogs have really helped me here as they try to remind me they are right next to me. But I still have to let it out because I can't bottle it in. I do good keeping it together at school. I will be honest that I need more sleep but we are working on that.
I have also learned that there are so many people who love me. The support has been overwhelming. People stop by to drop by food, just to keep me company, and make sure I am okay. I had no idea I am this loved. And I thank everyone for that... Because people visiting has kept me sane and from crying as much.
I just can't wait to see him again. I want a simple kiss... A hug... But I got to stay strong out of love. Because we can't have any doubt in our mind we won't make it. That just sets us up for failure.
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