The Dreaded Date: Dealing with Leaving

This week brought the news that my sailor would be going away. No matter how many times I receive the news, it does not get any easier. Having an official date is scary because instead of looking forward to the many days I have to spend with my husband, I keep thing about the limited time. Instead of wanting and looking forward to the future, I dread the day I have to say goodbye, trying to remain strong for the person who will be going through a tough military battle. After all, I do not have to run when told, potentially fight a war and kill, or be on a strict schedule.

How do you make sure your ready for the date? You may not want to face it but if you prepare for the day and the time, you can be in confidence that you did your best.

1. Talk about you you feel and be honest with your spouse. Address any concerns that you have about the time and marriage. Try to think of potential concerns. Will the lease expire where you are living? Do you renew the rent? Kids need enrolled in school? Where do we want them to go? Discuss those issues ahead of time and it will help deal with stress. Make sure you know what each of you will need to make it. 

2. Know that you will both be facing a tough situation. If your spouse does not sound energetic when you talk over the phone, know you both are exhausted and are running things by yourself.

3. Make sure you understand what the military member needs to bring with him. Stamps so he can send you letters, plenty of clothes and shoes, and a computer. Make sure you both are geared up and have the supplies.

4. Try to have fun leading up to the date. Ignore the date coming and enjoy your spouse while you can. Enjoy big dates, celebrate holidays early if they will not be home, do something you love, and give your spouse the best time before you are separated.

5. Find a new hobby. The spouse that remains at home can finally get something done without being interrupted if they have always wanted to try something. Paint, workout, learn an instrument, sew, begin a new television series, or get some items done off the long to-do list. Try to find a project to keep busy and keep your mind off the heartbreak. Volunteer. Time goes by when you are not waiting on the clock to tick. 

6. Never blame your spouse for separation. They want to be with you as much as you do. They are doing it because they want to give you the best not leave you behind. Some our called to military and support them in their calling. You do not have face the true battles.

7. Be assertive. The spouse that stays at home should try to do what they want to do. Try to get stationed on a base where it will give them the best opportunity to do what they love. If I want to be a journalist, I need to be in a town with journalism stations. I also have to be in a big enough town that I have to think about conflict of interest in a story. If I am in a small town of military people, I would have a hard time reporting as the news would be military stories. And I would face a conflict of interest with my job and be an emotional wreck if I had to report the stories that tear me apart from my husband.

8. Talk to people and make friends. I personally have a household rule where we can not talk with people of the opposite sex alone except in business situations. We can when there are other males or females around. It keeps us from thinking about what we miss and what we want and keeps something from happening. Be careful with other military people however. Many people cheat and lie while their spouses are gone. Do not put yourself around people who will tear you down.

9. Ask the military for information regarding the deployment. They can not tell you everything but they can give you updates, information, and resources to get through. You can even receive free counseling and help. Speak up as they try to make families feel supported.

10. Know it is not a good bye. It is a see you later when you are much stronger. 

Believe in yourself and your spouse and you can do it. Talk about what you feel and find solutions. Honesty will get you through and find solutions to how to handle it. Be proud and try to make the most because distance can help you become stronger, better, and even more in love. It takes a special person to be a military spouse. And you are it. You were chosen by your mate because you are amazing, supportive, and capable.